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Post by Zakiah Levanah on Aug 27, 2004 15:10:44 GMT -5
A balanced man is a strong man. A man may be physically strong but is not “strong enough” if he lacks in sensitivity and intimacy. For women, the meaning of strength, is something more stable and solid then the Macho Persona. Some women may desire their men to be romantic but all women want their men to be caring and supportive. Even if he be successful, yet he needs to find time and energy for his loved ones- and their needs.
Qualities Of The Heart
Women need and want “sincerity, kindness and loyalty”. Being tender, considerate and understanding are far more valuable assets to them in a man, than being forceful or well built. Yes, one needs to be strong but the man should have a clear idea of what strengths the woman is talking about and is expecting.
However as most men are themselves body centric, (i.e. they judge people's attractiveness largely on physical attributes) they erroneously imagine that women too must be doing the same. Women, on the other hand, value the qualities of the heart much more than the physical attributes!
What A Woman Wants In A Man
Dr Patanjali Dev Nayar
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Long term Relationship/Marriage
For a long term relationship and marriage, rather than body builders and hulks, women prefer men who are sensitive, caring, responsible and loving.
They instinctively and by choice, root for men who are likely to be reasonable and supportive mates and prove to be good and nurturing fathers. Physical attributes, especially good health, may act as an initial attraction, but if the "core qualities" are lacking, most women prefer to move to greener pastures.
Many insecure people, paradoxically, are perceived to be aggressive and antisocial which turns off most women.
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Post by Zakiah Levanah on Aug 27, 2004 15:14:09 GMT -5
what woman want vs what men want
What Women Want: Has any woman met a guy that can meet all her needs and wants?
When I asked my friends "What do women really want?" I received as many different answers as I did friends. Here's just a snippet of the responses I received about what Mr. Right should be like.
"When I sat down to write my recipe for my perfect partner I was clear that he needed to have a great sense of humor, a large capacity to accept love and give and express love, have a positive outlook and regard for himself and others. He needed to be very comfortable with growth, internal and external. He needed to enjoy life, have a positive spirit, lots of energy, enjoy my daughter and have a passion for his work," said Laurel von Pander, a certified coach.
"We want a man who is reliable!! In all things. Reliable and skilled in bed, reliable in trustworthy in regards to their relationship with us and our children," said Sharon Doucette, a professional photographer.
"I would say women want both fun, excitement and the security of a committed relationship. I'd say one of the most important things, at least to me, is that he have a good sense of humor, a sense of adventure and be open to new ideas and experiences," said Carolyn Cooke, a news editor.
After reading these responses, I realized that women don't all want the same qualities in a man. What we want varies to suit each individual personality and to reflect our own personal interests and values.
When I asked myself "What do women really want?" I realized that I have a much better idea of what I personally want in a perfect man today than I did as a teenager. In my younger years I was fed a fairy-tale of what every woman should look for in Mr. Right. Tall, dark and handsome was the starting point. I was also led to believe that the perfect man would not only be sensitive to my needs, but would also know me so well that he could sense those needs without me saying a word. Mr. Right would be a good provider, with an exciting wild side. He would be someone that could stimulate me in every possible way.
Like many other women, I romanticized so much about the perfect man that I didn't really check to see if it was real for me. When dating, I enjoyed an emotional romantic high during the early days and moved on when that faded.
"Quite often it takes women a few years and broken heart episodes to really sort out what they want in a guy," said Carolyn Cooke. "What is important to me, especially in terms of a relationship has changed with how I have grown and matured as a person, so the ideal man for me now bears very little resemblance to what I thought I really wanted 10 years ago."
With that in mind, it's important for every woman to seriously question what she values and how that matches up with her idea of the perfect mate.
When creating your recipe for Mr. Right, ask yourself these questions:
What are the key things I value in another individual?
What are my hobbies?
Do I like to go out and socialize on a regular basis, or do I want to cocoon?
Is this person my emotional, social and intellectual equal?
Does this person share my faith or spirituality?
What did I like and not like about my dad and his relationship with my mother?
What kind of personality am I drawn towards? What do I respect?
What kind of history (baggage) does each of you bring to the relationship?
What are my weaknesses and what might I need in a man to balance those out?
What will I absolutely not tolerate in his behavior or attitudes to life?
This list could go on and on, but you get the point.
In a nutshell, women want a man who shares their values, hobbies and interests. We want someone who possesses key qualities we respect and admire. We want Mr. Right to accept us and love us for who we really are and to treat us with respect and honor. Now that doesn't seem like such a mystery after all, does it?
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Post by Zakiah Levanah on Aug 27, 2004 15:15:18 GMT -5
what men want
The other day I was working on the computer in our graduate lounge when two female classmates turned to me with exacerbated looks.
"What is the deal with guys?" they asked. "What do they want? I mean, why do they act like they are all interested and then in an instant freak out and start avoiding you?"
I hemmed and hawed through a couple minutes of chair swaggering ramblings about commitment and clingy women before I confirmed what my two classmates suspected; I was a guy, and I had no clue.
Oddly enough, I have thought more about love in the last few months than I have in my entire life, and I'm more confused than ever. As an aspiring psychologist I've decided to do what it seems every good psychologist does when they encounter something that baffles them; they come up with a theory and write a paper on it.
I'm categorizing what men want into three hierarchical levels. They form a triangle. The three levels are biological, significance and meaning. The hierarchy shows value (the higher the level the more value and the more human), and the triangle shape shows the empirical reality that most members of my gender including myself are more apt to hover towards the bottom with fewer individuals in the upper regions.
The biological level is Sigmund Freud's level. This is the most obvious level and also where most men function. Mainly instinctual, we don't really need our brains to function here. We simply want to propagate our genes. When we operate on this level women wonder why we choose the bad girls over the nice ones. Here we are attracted to what our environment has taught us to desire. It seems that our current society has re-evolved if you will, to functioning on this level. This level holds our strongest reinforcers. Our friends and idols pat us on the back and make us feel like men when we master this realm.
What men want at the biological level:
We want you to look like the girl in the magazine
We want you to act like the James Bond girl
We want more than one of you
We don't want responsibility or commitment
Of course, all this leads to the pinnacle of the biological level…sex.
The second level of significance is Alfred Adler's level. Here men want prestige and security. They want a woman who gets them thumbs up from their buddies when she leaves the table to use the washroom. Here men will gamble on a dangerous investment because she brings such winks and inquisitions from those who hold the approval that really matters to them, their comrades. Men get in trouble here when they shop for a woman like they shop for a car.
On this level men want to feel like men, and nothing makes a guy feel more like a man than having the girl who all the guys are checking out come and sit on your lap.
Now I also mentioned that on this level men want security. It is here the biker dude turns into a softy, but also a place that things can get ugly. When that girl that was sitting on your lap sits on your buddies lap, this level mingles with the lower biological one. Intense emotions of fear, anger and jealousy bombard the once suave male. Basically, he moves in seconds from feelings of googly adoration to wanting to kill everyone. I know that seems harsh, but its true. Men experience these emotions very intensely, and they don't know what to do with them. Barbaric reasoning overwhelms cool wisdom and we have all seen the effects. There are also men who turn emotion inward rather than lashing out. In either case, the effects on the individual are equally as devastating.
Men want security. They desire the one they love to want only them. Believe it or not, here they just want a woman whom they can trust, and a woman who thinks they stole the moon. A woman can't build a guy up enough, and there is nothing worse than a woman who makes comments that cut your ego. Basic areas of ego damaging comments (physical stature, sex, power, importance.) Contrary to legend, women who are demeaning to guys aren't an attractive challenge, they are just annoying.
What men want on the significance level:
Prestige
Approval from the guys
Someone they can trust
Someone that thinks they are superman
The highest level of the "what men want" pyramid is meaning. This is the hope for the male species. From here flow those brief moments that cause one to believe that there is something more in there than a crass, egotistical, pizza eater.
In this realm men enjoy giving more than receiving. They do things because they want to, not because they are supposed to. They find meaning in experiencing and encountering someone. More than infatuation, men in this realm just want to be with you, not to get something or to keep you from going out with your friends. They are simply content to "be," and don't have to be working towards some type of goal. Here their loved ones best interests are paramount. Here Antoine Saint-Exupery's words ring true "Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."
This realm is open ended, it is moving, synergy abounds. From here creativity is spurred, not isolation. Here the whole is greater than the sum. Our intellect, spirit, personality and ambition swirl and motivate us into more than just an emotional experience. Here there is no record of wrongs, no focusing on needs or fairness. In this realm a single worn out picture may sustain a sailor for months. In this realm we don't love you because your beautiful, but you are beautiful simply because we love you. This is where love songs are written, selfless acts are committed, and men become truly human. We transcend all of what we have been conscripted to be, and become what we might and ought.
What men want on the meaning level:
To give selflessly
Someone to serve
Someone who shares mutual purpose
Someone to sacrifice for
Shared creativity, intellect, spirit, ambition
Maturity
Someone who loves on the same level
Does one need to have the lower levels before attaining the higher ones? No. They are continuous and work interchangeably. In fact, the more one lives in the meaning level, the more the lower levels fade. This may naturally happen with age, but can be accomplished through conscious endeavor. The more a man trusts and seeks to give selflessly to a woman the less he needs her to look like a cover girl. Unfortunately this is not an easy transcension. It seems that more than ever, both biology and environment have teamed up against men. We are trained to live at the low end of the scale and women have keenly adapted to manipulate us at that same level, which makes moving beyond it even more difficult.
I realize that this paints a dreary picture of the male race. The silver lining is this; men really do desire to love at the highest level. The problem is that not enough of us realize it, nor are we challenged to find it. Our ability to love seems one of the many casualties of our current western culture.
How does a women find such a man? This is perhaps an article for the future, but in the meantime heed this advice; treat us how we ought and should be, not how we are. By this I mean, please stop training us to live off the bottom.
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Post by 1dell on Aug 28, 2004 6:28:24 GMT -5
I remember when I was younger I focused moor on my physical shell. After my failed marriage I realized that I have a goldmine within me to offer and it was those qualities that I needed to showcase.
I have honed many of the traits that are needed but I lack sensitivity. I see everything thru tough and rugged arien eyes. Sometimes my heart isn't soft enough to accomodate a female earthling. Thats something I need to work on.
But notice what I said!!! I said I NEED to work on it!!! Most people piss me the hell off. They realize they don't have a quailty and instead of trying to figure out or learn a way to inherit that quality they will just accept who they are NOW not realizing that they can add that trait to themselves. They will just say "Oh well thats the way I am" not realizing that they are an evolving being in constant stages of growth
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Post by Brownbonnet on Sept 7, 2004 17:31:59 GMT -5
oooo----
i don't want no man to share none of my interests and hobbies. all i want is a-----
MACHO MACHO MAN!
MACHO MACHO MAN!
MACHO MACHO MACHO MACHO MACHO MACHOMACHOMAN!!!!!!!!
no soft men up in heah! A real woman willing to ADMIT what she REALLY wants says thus:
gimme a macho man
a man to take over
a man to cover my face when i need protection
a man to serve
a man to heal
a man to love cause he is JUST a man-God's other perfect creation
a man with gumption tween his legs
a man that can make me throw up my hands infront of my face in a protective gesture....
a man who got the boom! in his box
a man who aint afraid to be a man
a man who knows that his woman is ACTUALLY his possession
a man who don't let no woman cuss him out or scream at him with out getting tied up.
a good man that gives his all
a good man that demands HER all
and finally
a man who don't give a hootinanny bout what some woman thinks!
Hah! BEHOLD da Rib!
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Post by kAHANyAH on Sept 7, 2004 17:46:52 GMT -5
YOU DONT NEED NO MAN YOU OLD HEIFER! YOU NEED A G-D DAMN SLAVE!Just kiddin!  oooo---- i don't want no man to share none of my interests and hobbies. all i want is a----- MACHO MACHO MAN! MACHO MACHO MAN! MACHO MACHO MACHO MACHO MACHO MACHOMACHOMAN!!!!!!!! no soft men up in heah! A real woman willing to ADMIT what she REALLY wants says thus: gimme a macho man a man to take over a man to cover my face when i need protection a man to serve a man to heal a man to love cause he is JUST a man-God's other perfect creation a man with gumption tween his legs a man that can make me throw up my hands infront of my face in a protective gesture.... a man who got the boom! in his box a man who aint afraid to be a man a man who knows that his woman is ACTUALLY his possession a man who don't let no woman cuss him out or scream at him with out getting tied up. a good man that gives his all a good man that demands HER all and finally a man who don't give a hootinanny bout what some woman thinks! Hah! BEHOLD da Rib!
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Post by Brownbonnet on Sept 7, 2004 18:06:48 GMT -5
no no sweet baby.
you misunderstood my post.
i said that what a real woman wants is a man SHE can serve, SHE can heal, She can let HIM take over........ i get so tired of these sistahgirl manifestos. so i kick in some of my own, and shared opinions of other sisters. we are not all the same. I don't want an equal. I want the god himself, i was created to be his helpmate. Men Rule!
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Post by kAHANyAH on Sept 7, 2004 18:09:35 GMT -5
U R RIGHT! GUESS YOU JUST DISCOVERED A FLAW IN BROTHER KAH..... HE READS THE FIRST LINE AND THATS IT! PRETTY MUCH ASSESS THE POST FROM THE FIRST FEW LINES. DOESNT READ THE ENTIRE MISSIVE.  IM SORRY. no no sweet baby. you misunderstood my post. i said that what a real woman wants is a man SHE can serve, SHE can heal, She can let HIM take over........ i get so tired of these sistahgirl manifestos. so i kick in some of my own, and shared opinions of other sisters. we are not all the same. I don't want an equal. I want the god himself, i was created to be his helpmate. Men Rule! |
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Post by Brownbonnet on Sept 7, 2004 18:11:23 GMT -5
you know women sometimes talk a load of crap. they claim they want an equal in their men, they want to be co-ruler of the domicile, they want exact equal accord and treatment from men. But then they flipflop and whine: "YOU ain't MAN enuf fo'me!!" I wants a REAL man!" You supposed to pay the check!" You supposed to treat me as a queen" "You supposed to be faithful to me"--- and them same women turn around and DEMAND a challenge from another woman! It's like, "Man, kiss my feet. You better! I is the queen! But if you do kiss my foots, I ain't gonna respect you!" Whatever happened to the oldfashioned woman? Gimme dat ole time religion.... gimme dat ole time religion its good enuf fo' me! |
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Post by kAHANyAH on Sept 7, 2004 18:17:26 GMT -5
I think woman look for equality or atleast acceptance for being equal in the arena of the mind - intelligence. PHYSICALLY WOMEN KNOW THEYRE NOT OUR EQUAL. Its the mental they seek acceptance in. MEN GOT BIGGER BRAINS. SORRY! JUST HOW IT IS.  you know women sometimes talk a load of crap. they claim they want an equal in their men, they want to be co-ruler of the domicile, they want exact equal accord and treatment from men. But then they flipflop and whine: "YOU ain't MAN enuf fo'me!!" I wants a REAL man!" You supposed to pay the check!" You supposed to treat me as a queen" "You supposed to be faithful to me"--- and them same women turn around and DEMAND a challenge from another woman! It's like, "Man, kiss my feet. You better! I is the queen! But if you do kiss my foots, I ain't gonna respect you!" Whatever happened to the oldfashioned woman? Gimme dat ole time religion.... gimme dat ole time religion its good enuf fo' me! |
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Post by Brownbonnet on Sept 7, 2004 18:32:32 GMT -5
actually Kah.... women have far more intelligence than men. that's why we were made this way: so that we could give the brute (you, man) direction on the correct way to do things. And we were made fair so that you would accept direction from us. But men are genetically superior, and women are weak physically. But neither is spiritually superior in any way. There is the female domain, there is the male. There is no equality there. There is only separatness. You cannot balance the spiritual quantity/quality of men and women because they are separate and distinct.
Look for instance at the female hyena.
She is dominant, she is genetically physically superior to the male, she is larger, she smells stronger, she laughs louder. But her femininity is not superior to the submissive, sniveling male. They are separate, that's all. You will never know femininity, neither will i know masculinity.
Anyway, HYENAS RULE!!!!!!
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Post by Brownbonnet on Sept 7, 2004 18:36:55 GMT -5
and remember--- brain size/capacity does not determine the intellectual superiority between two people. see, you could have a lot of pinkish grey jelly in your skull, but if you dont fill it with knowledge and continued growth and development, well, then youse juss a big ole punkinhead with lotsa grey matter. And Black folks have smaller brains than anyone else. Look at the cranium range on the next negro you see. Indians, though stupid by their own making, have huge heads, and plenty of grey matter. But they aren't smarter than small brained blacks, right? And yes, there are big head blacks. I am a cross section of several races, and have a huge dome. My head is so big, that if it were daytime in times square, youd think i was a blimp......  |
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Post by kAHANyAH on Sept 7, 2004 19:08:06 GMT -5
A hole lot of bullsheetrock! in your walls young lady! There is ratio in the universe and numbers come into play when you deal in ratio. I aint say FALACIO! I SAID RATIO! The balance tilts more towards the masculine sex spirit force in the spirit reality. The males have a one pt. greater margin in the ratio of balance. WHY! ? because the spirit wants to EXPRESS itself. Expression is a form of outter manifestation or extending oneself on the exterior. The male sexual organ is a gross manifestation of the spirit creative force seeking to express and extend itself OUTWARDLY. The PHALUS EXTENDS while the yoni CONTRACTS; hides within. It doesnt want to MANifest. That is not spiritual light, its spiritual DARKNESS. actually Kah.... women have far more intelligence than men. that's why we were made this way: so that we could give the brute (you, man) direction on the correct way to do things. And we were made fair so that you would accept direction from us. But men are genetically superior, and women are weak physically. But neither is spiritually superior in any way. There is the female domain, there is the male. There is no equality there. There is only separatness. You cannot balance the spiritual quantity/quality of men and women because they are separate and distinct. Look for instance at the female hyena. She is dominant, she is genetically physically superior to the male, she is larger, she smells stronger, she laughs louder. But her femininity is not superior to the submissive, sniveling male. They are separate, that's all. You will never know femininity, neither will i know masculinity. Anyway, HYENAS RULE!!!!!! |
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Post by gamaliel on Sept 7, 2004 19:28:03 GMT -5
oooo---- i don't want no man to share none of my interests and hobbies. all i want is a----- MACHO MACHO MAN! MACHO MACHO MAN! MACHO MACHO MACHO MACHO MACHO MACHOMACHOMAN!!!!!!!! no soft men up in heah! A real woman willing to ADMIT what she REALLY wants says thus: gimme a macho man a man to take over a man to cover my face when i need protection a man to serve a man to heal a man to love cause he is JUST a man-God's other perfect creation a man with gumption tween his legs a man that can make me throw up my hands infront of my face in a protective gesture.... a man who got the boom! in his box a man who aint afraid to be a man a man who knows that his woman is ACTUALLY his possession a man who don't let no woman cuss him out or scream at him with out getting tied up. a good man that gives his all a good man that demands HER all and finally a man who don't give a hootinanny bout what some woman thinks! Hah! BEHOLD da Rib! Ive seen relationships go to crap cause (not all) sum women marry a caring and sensitive guy. A co-equal in the relationship but he always cowers down and she gets the final decision in things. Next thing U know she creepin around with sum ruffneck that wont take no shit off her. Seen it time and again. Is it possible she needs a sensitive guy/ ruffneck in the same person? A guy has to know when to be caring and when to tuff? |
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Post by Zakiah Levanah on Sept 7, 2004 20:06:29 GMT -5
no no sweet baby. you misunderstood my post. i said that what a real woman wants is a man SHE can serve, SHE can heal, She can let HIM take over........ i get so tired of these sistahgirl manifestos. so i kick in some of my own, and shared opinions of other sisters. we are not all the same. I don't want an equal. I want the god himself, i was created to be his helpmate. Men Rule! I agree I want to be equally yoked. I am as accomadating as I am controlling so anywhere a man is lacking I will come in and run things. Its hard to submit to an unbalanced man. Macho don't mean shyt when you have 5 brothers or a 380. Its a persauna. A true balanced man who controls his inner "G"od. Is well balanced like God, Yin and Yang, Positive Negative Universal laws.... A real man will be stern, understanding and know how to get the best out of his woman without having to act macho. His very essence will command not demand respect. In order for a woman to be a real BIBLICAL God intended Woman her man must be the same. Or you will have unbalanced bullshyt ego, macho, sexism, feminism bullshyto! |
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